Today has been a rough day. I’ve been feeling well lately, taking care of myself, and been relatively calm.
But today anxiety won.
Today anxiety told me I couldn’t leave my kids to go on vacation with my husband because the plane might crash.
Today anxiety brought me to my knees in tears that wouldn’t stop for hours.
Today anxiety had me hiding in my room, afraid for my kids to see me so upset.
Today anxiety made me believe I wasn’t good enough.
Since suffering from a traumatic birth, PTSD, postpartum anxiety disorder, and now perimenopause I’ve never talked about this emotion. I was afraid others would think I was weak. I was afraid people would know I’m broken.
But I’m not broken, just a little banged up.
Just as it came in a monstrous wave taking over my being, it’s once again gone. An emotion fueled by our thoughts, and it’s time for us all talk about this.
Women – we change after having kids. Sometimes it’s depression, sometimes anxiety, sometimes both. But we need to confide in others and get help. Process what’s happening. Find the root and try to heal.
Sometimes I feel better meditating, or writing. And like today I just needed to be held, to be reminded I wasn’t alone. I needed to journal and remember to find my own divine light and love that’s always inside.
Quote by: Dr. Leonor Murciano, Conscious Feminine Medicine
What we see on TV, the internet, the news, it’s not real. Every person you know has something. We show our best on social media, carefully curating the content we want the world to see. Hoping not to soil our “reputations”.
But this is real life. It’s messy, it’s hard, it sometimes is too much to handle, but even at its worst it’s still beautiful.
My hope in sharing this is to let anyone who may suffer from depression or anxiety, or some other illness know – you are not alone. You are not broken.
You are LOVE.
And so am I.
If you liked this post, then please follow on Facebook. Here also are 9 Natural Ways to Cope with Anxiety.
You might also like The Magic in the Mess.
Or Embracing the Stillness. (This is one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever written!)
I had the same reaction when faced with travel when my first was 19 months. Therapy came shortly after & thankfully my anxiety has been under control ever since. Now, as the mother of two daughters, I’ve finally come to realize that I, along with all other moms, am a BADASS, because when you think about it, there is no being more superior than a woman/mother. Sending badass sister vibes your way!
I’m so glad you are doing so well!
Kristen,
I just loved this post. Thank you for sharing and your awesome message. I can totally relate to the days that “anxiety wins.”
Thank you for reading and I hope that you have found peace.
I so admire that you are sharing your experiences with others. The only way for us all to mentally healthy is to open the door and let the sun shine in. You are helping countless people! <3
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! I have had to deal with anxiety since I was a child and it did get worse when I had my son 18 years ago. I dealt with it with therapy and mediation but when I had my daughter it got to a point when I needed medicine. It was the best thing I did for myself. Thanks again for sharing this. Women do need to know that it can happen and that there is help. And some days the anxiety may win. xo
I”m so glad that you found help!
Thanks very much for sharing this I think it’s so helpful to anyone suffering with anxiety, depression etc to know that they are not alone. Hope today is better
That’s me to a tee. Extrememy traumatic pregnancy and birth, ptsd from working with heartless souls eaters and past trauma, anxiety and depression. It’s a prision. Thank you for your blog.
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Its a journey isn’t it?
Thank you for reading, I’m glad it helps.Sending you much love.
I have been battling anxiety and depression since the birth of my first son 7 years ago. I didn’t sleep at all last night due to the overwhelming anxiety of knowing today I am finally scheduled to see my doctor to start working on this. I needed this this morning. Thank you for writing. I love “today anxiety won,” it definitely makes me feel as if that doesn’t always have to be the case.
I’m so glad you are seeing your doctor, that’s the best first step. Sending you much love and you begin to process your anxiety.
Good for you for taking it head on. I’m sorry it was a bad day. I think we all have them….but those aren’t the stories we like to share.
You’re right – everyone has something. The key is to allow Him to perfect us in our weakness. For me, it means letting go of control. Thanks for sharing your heart and being a relatable mom friend in this crazy world.
Dear Kristin,
I have been trying to explain my anxiety to my husband but it’s hard for him to understand, although he tries very hard, why I check the house locks multiple times a night and must sleep next to her bed to make sure she is breathing. Travel is out of the question and public places send me into a panic, what if someone tries to snatch our baby I think…thank you for making me feel a little less nuts.
Oh I’m so sorry you feel this way. Many women experience this, and it is common. I would urge you though to talk to your OB, primary care physician or see a therapist. You will get through this, but when it controls your life, that’s when you need a helping hand. Wishing you much love as you make your way through. <3
You’re definitely not weak! You’re so strong for sharing your story and helping to break the stigma..it’s inspiring! THANK YOU!