Today has been a rough day. I’ve been feeling well lately, taking care of myself, and been relatively calm.
But today anxiety won.
Today anxiety told me I couldn’t leave my kids to go on vacation with my husband because the plane might crash.
Today anxiety brought me to my knees in tears that wouldn’t stop for hours.
Today anxiety had me hiding in my room, afraid for my kids to see me so upset.
Today anxiety made me believe I wasn’t good enough.
Since suffering from a traumatic birth, PTSD, postpartum anxiety disorder, and now perimenopause I’ve never talked about this emotion. I was afraid others would think I was weak. I was afraid people would know I’m broken.
But I’m not broken, just a little banged up.
Just as it came in a monstrous wave taking over my being, it’s once again gone. An emotion fueled by our thoughts, and it’s time for us all talk about this.
Women – we change after having kids. Sometimes it’s depression, sometimes anxiety, sometimes both. But we need to confide in others and get help. Process what’s happening. Find the root and try to heal.
Sometimes I feel better meditating, or writing. And like today I just needed to be held, to be reminded I wasn’t alone. I needed to journal and remember to find my own divine light and love that’s always inside.
What we see on TV, the internet, the news, it’s not real. Every person you know has something. We show our best on social media, carefully curating the content we want the world to see. Hoping not to soil our “reputations”.
But this is real life. It’s messy, it’s hard, it sometimes is too much to handle, but even at its worst it’s still beautiful.
My hope in sharing this is to let anyone who may suffer from depression or anxiety, or some other illness know – you are not alone. You are not broken.
You are LOVE.
And so am I.
You might also like The Magic in the Mess.
Or Embracing the Stillness. (This is one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever written!)