We parents always seem to be in a hurry. We want our babies to smile and coo…then later crawl and walk, and of course we can’t wait for them to talk. I’ll never forget when our youngest uttered the words “uh oh”, what I thought was the cutest phrase ever. But the adoration of her newest milestone wore off the first night, and it became the most annoying two syllables ever…until now. Fast forward a couple of years and we are hearing this 1,000 times a day from our almost three year old, “Why?”
It goes something like this….
Me: “Emy, please put on your shoes, it’s time to go.”
Emylia: “Why?”
Me: “Because your feet will get dirty and it’s chilly.”
Emylia: “Why?”
Me: “Because you have to wear shoes in the store. The sign says ‘no shoes, no shirt, no service.”
Emylia: “Why?”
Me: “BECAUSE I SAID SO!”
Not the best response I know, but that’s a typical morning, noon, and night routine. At first I thought, “hmmmm I don’t remember our oldest being this inquisitive this young. Maybe she’s brilliant!” But then one morning I actually listened to what was happening on her favorite show Peppa Pig. George, the little cry baby pig, questioned his parents 892 times in five minutes. He asked “why?” over and over and over and over again….and it dawned on me, could this be where she was picking this curious habit up? (If you couldn’t tell, I’m not a fan of this show.)
All kidding aside, despite where she may have learned the question, our little Emylia is becoming a free thinker, and is starting to ask the definitions of words and how things work. So I took our budding problem to the Bundoo Community where I received this great advice from Dr. Sara Connolly, a Bundoo Pediatrician.
how to respond when your child incessantly asks why?
1. Look our children in the eye – As Dr. Connolly points out, the toddler is most likely seeking attention, and if we can get down to eye level and really listen, it might combat the behavior. With phones and other distractions we all need to try to be more present with our kids. It’s not easy, but necessary.
2. Practice and teach patience – It’s not always easy to slow down and answer every single question, so be patient. And when you can’t offer an answer, say something like, “One minute, mama is thinking and needs quiet while she thinks.” This not only will give parents a moment of much needed silence, but will also start teach patience in our children.
As with all phases, I know this too shall pass. (Quickly I hope!) But I love having the Bundoo Community to access great advice and opinions from physicians, behaviorists, and other parents. Also, be sure to check out my articles on their site!
Why? Because I said so!
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Oh my goodness, I love the “Mommy is thinking and needs quiet when she thinks” suggestion. If it works, I’m going to have to start employing that method ALL THE TIME, haha. Wonder how long it would take to stop working…
I know right? “Mommy why are are always thinking? Why? WHy?”
so weird my kids really don;t ask why that much? maybe it’s because they don’t watch pep a pig and i look them in the eyes and focus on them intently when they talk. ha!
Oh to be as picky and perfect as you Nicole!
This reminded me of Olaf from Frozen. My son is still learning a few words here or there, so he hasn’t really gotten to that stage yet. I really like the advice you got from the Bundoo doctor. I have never heard of that website. I will definitely have to check it out!
Def Tricia! You’ll love it!
I definitely think when I actually stop what I am doing and genuinely focus on my children and what they are asking I am far more effective with my answers. Such great advice here!-Ashley
I agree Ashely – I love the advice I receive from Bundoo!
Ooh… I wish I had the “One minute sweetie, Mommy is thinking and needs to be quiet” and looking her in the eye advice when my girls were going through the “whys”. Tbh, the more I think about it, sometimes they still do go through the “why’s” now to a certain degree even though they’re older. So this is still relevant to me. Thanks, Kristen!
RIght? Such a good line! And btw….this doesn’t go away? sigh.
Oh, that’s so awesome! I love that thoughtful answer. We get that from Scarlet still (age 5) and from Des (age 2) although his is just beginning.
Oh the Mommy is thinking suggestion is great! Sometimes my head hurts from all of the why’s. I will need to remember to use that for next time.
My kids have progressed past “why” but ask the most complicated yet totally irrelevant questions ever. And now they are starting to get nosey and ask a lot of questions about people and conversations I have had near them. I have started to respond with “how is that important to you?” It gets them every time 🙂
Fabulous advice… and as a former early childhood educator, I can say it’s bang on. Stop, make eye contact, slow down, and really explain why. It really does work but it’s sometimes hard to remember when in the midst of chaos or a transition.
Thanks for sharing.
Have a great weekend.
xoxo
Good advice Jennifer!
I read the doctor’s blurb out loud to my husband – he gets so irritated when he’s ignoring one of the kids and they just keep asking…and asking….and asking! Awesome advice that highlights the importance of being engaged!