When I look back on the past six months…I think I’ve been living in a haze of disbelief and ignorance. I knew what was happening to my body, I could feel the 89th hot flash in a row, but I ignored and repressed them…until now. There comes a point in everyone’s life where you have to acknowledge what life has brought you, process it, accept it, and then react. I’ve been depressed, scared, and sad…but now I’m finally ready to heal.
I’ve had endometriosis since I was 13, it progressed to stage four, and I’ve had several surgeries over the years to remove the tissue. It caused my infertility, and now well into my thirties I am experiencing premature ovarian failure. This has started perimenopause, for the second time in my life. (I can’t believe I just typed the big M word…sigh.)
The first time I felt these symptoms Lila was 18 months old, and I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition called an Anti Ovarian Antibody. Basically my body was and is attacking my ovaries, causing horrific early menopausal symptoms.We decided to do aggressive treatment to get my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) of 124 down to the normal range of ten, (mine came down to 13) so we could try IVF again. It worked miraculously and Emylia was born. This time, more children aren’t an option as I had a uterine ablation last year, so I’m faced with yet another life change…except this time I wasn’t ready for my FSH to skyrocket to 192.
Accepting this diagnosis has been extremely difficult for me, as it is for many women. It feels like everything that makes me a woman has been taken from me…along with my youth. I know how utterly dramatic that sounds, but sometimes it’s hard to stop the emotions behind our thoughts. The words perimenopause and POF to me are synonymous with aging, and I’ve been mourning the loss of so much these past few months. I’m not sleeping well due to night sweats so I’m exhausted all the time. My hormones aren’t consistent and my weight fluctuates, and basically I feel awful every single day. Not a great formula for a busy working mom who needs to gear up for NBA season, where holding it together with two kids is paramount.
I tried estrogen patches and had ridiculous headaches, pain, and other not so pleasant side effects. Then I moved on to natural healing methods, and started acupuncture treatments, as well as cupping, and am taking a variety of herbs. This helped improve the perimenopausal symptoms, but I am still having numerous hot flashes every day. I’ve always believed that disease stems from our emotions, and our diets, and that we have the power to heal ourselves. My acupuncturist reaffirmed my wellness path when I read this.
I choose to heal, and will not be a victim anymore. I believe a key piece to my wellness puzzle that’s missing is a better diet. I’ve used food and baking as comfort these past few months, which isn’t helping the inflammation already present in my body. Prior to getting pregnant with Lila I was on a strict endometriosis diet, no wheat, dairy or sugar. It was tough, and didn’t directly help with my conception. But after doing a lot of reading, and consulting with two nutritional practitioners, it’s time. It kind of came to me while I was running a few weeks ago…I said to myself,
I was also motivated by this blog post a local news anchor wrote about her wellness journey and contacted her nutritionist, Tracy with TMI Health. I am starting an autoimmune paleo-type cellular healing protocol, and am excited…a little terrified…but ready. In a world where my hormones and body are in a state of constant chaos, I feel instantly calm knowing that I am going to help make change. I am going to feel better, and that makes me feel better already! (So do the four Newman’s Mint-O cookies I devoured last night in preparation for my no sugar/grains/dairy diet! Don’t tell Tracy please.)
If you notice me missing from the blogosphere from time to time, it’s because life, and our family is more important than anything. My priorities have changed, and healing and wellness are my focus. I will be sharing pieces of my journey along the way, and am excited to learn a whole new way of baking! (I’m encouraged that our first paleo one new food was a ginormous success! )
If you would like me to share the herbs that have helped with some of the symptoms, please let me know and I’ll be happy to write about what I’ve learned so far. The most important lessons to date though are; you have to be ready if you choose this path, you are not alone, we all have the power to heal ourselves. As a wonderful woman, friend, and fellow Miami television reporter Johanna Gomez pointed out to me this week, “you’ve been telling yourself the same sad story for a while now…it’s time to write your new story.”
She is so right…and I can’t wait to read the ending!
Great article, hope this diet really helps.
Thanks Melissa – me too!
What a powerful journey you are sharing here. I am so sorry to hear about your struggle, but I am inspired by your life changes and focus on wellness and family.
Beautifully written. I want to acknowledge all your awareness and the steps you are taking to create action.
I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to share your journey and for figuring out the steps you need to take to feel better. I think there are a lot of women out there who need to hear that they’re not the only ones going through things like this. Thanks you for sharing!
Thanks for everything Lauren.
WOW! It takes courage to share and be so open about your personal life…especially with stuff like that which I KNOW are attached to emotions at the core. I think you have the right attitude and I’m sure you’re helping to inspire others who are living through a similar fate.
Yes Aubrey – but it was quite cathartic to write it and talk about something that’s so taboo. I know someone in their 20’s going through this and it’s to time face it and move forward. Thanks for your support!
I’m so sorry for any tough symptoms along the way. I truly believe you will be healing yourself to feeling great SOON, and I can imagine it’s insanely tough to have these pieces of youth and fertility taken away from you.
Just remember you are young and beautiful, despite these symptoms. And I’m so glad you have two healthy children!
Thank you Tamara – yes I am extremely grateful for our girls!
SO SO PROUD OF YOU!! You are such a strong person, you’ve got this!
thanks for kicking me in the butt!
I know this has been so hard for you and I’m so glad that you’ve decided to share your story. I hope that you find the peace you deserve. I know your pain…and how difficult life with POF really is…looking back, it’s taken me 9 yrs to find help. Just keep searching until you find the right person.
Thanks Sarah – it was so hard to share, but somewhat therapeutic as well. I know you of all people understand the trials of this, appreciate your support.
I love this post and I’m a first time reader (Found this on SITS LINKY). I am approaching this period of my life and I am very curios to learn more. I hope you do continue writing about it – an d the herbs.
I will Allie – thanks for stopping by. I’ll do a follow up in a week or two, but for you, the 4 herbs I take daily are: evening primrose oil, femco, wild yam complex, and chaste berry. I also take chinese herbs, I’ll get a rundown this week for you!
You had me tearing up as I read this one – wonderful post. I too struggle deeply with hormonal imbalances (hereditary). Last year I made a choice to stop exercising to “be skinny” and start stretching and toning to be strong and happy. I also injected my diet with some green smoothies (I NEVER eat enough veggies) and – this is my latest development – I’ve begun weening myself off commercial products like toothpaste, shampoo, and deodorant.
I’ve found I’m very sensitive to outside stuff – medicines, alcohol, temperature changes, pollen count, and of course, chemicals. I notice a huge difference in my night sweats when I avoid processed foods. My hair is still detoxing from not using shampoo but the itchy, over-oil-producing scalp has already calmed down. My acne is finally at a manageable point.
The only time it slips away for me, this new-found balance, is when I slip. Pizza nights. Cocktail hour. It’s an unfair game I have to play while the rest of the world (it seems sometimes) gets to drink and eat whatever their heart desires.
Thank you for proving I am not alone. Excited to read about your changes!
Wow. This is such a powerful piece. While our journey towards wellness is different, there are many similarities. They put me into medically induced menopause last September. It took about five weeks for me to feel the symptoms, but then they came on strong. I believe in all the strategies you have chosen: acupuncture, some herbs, eating clean, etc. I’ve read so much about how attitude and lifestyle changes can improve one’s health. Plus these “modalities” also help decrease the stress level, which we all know is great for us. I’ve also found hot/bikram yoga to be helpful. I imagine the toxins flushing out of my body with the sweat. The only issue I have is that it is a commitment – 90 minutes. I know you have a crazy schedule…so try it when you can. I look forward to reading more of your journey. You sound like you are surrounded by love and support, so I’m sure these stories will be filled with some joy, too.
Thank you Caryn…and it sounds like you’ve had to deal with so much more. I’ll definitely give that a try…it sounds a little overwhelming though!
I’m sorry that you are dealing with this and have been for so long. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Kristen. I know it will help a lot of people!
I think it is awesome that you are sharing your story, this will be helpful to someone out there dealing with the same. Kudos to you!
I apologize that you are going through this, and wish you comfort. I cannot pretend to understand completely, but I have PCOS, and it has shattered me on days. PCOS is known for making women look more manly and overweight, along with taking women’s fertility.
Wishing you all the best!
XOXO
Thank you so much for your support. And while PCOS is super frustrating, I’ve know many women with it that were able to conceive. I know the shattering feeling you speak of, and hope you find relief as well.
i’m confident you will figure it out. anything worth having is worth fighting for… especially your health. guess it’s time to put the gloves on! ps… my dr friend told me vitamin D3 (5,000 units a day) did wonders for her hormone issues and hot flashes.