I’ve been dreading it but it’s here…our baby has started Kindergarten. She gave us the greatest gift in the world, she made us parents. And now she’s gone seven hours a day.
This is what the first day of school looked like for Lila. I mean, she totally dug the uniforms and was so happy!
And when I saw her in the uniform for the first time my eyes began to brim with tears. Those clothes represent the beginning of her long school journey. One that’s filled with new friends, new experiences, and so much independence. When Lila met her teacher she was elated. A princess loving, young teacher who filled the room with happiness, confidence, and all the things a kindergartner needs.
After I left her for the day I surprisingly held it together. I entered the PTO’s “Boo Hoo” Party and picked up my pack of tissues. But I didn’t need them yet. It was in the car when my husband was pulling out of the parking lot that I completely lost it. I didn’t want to leave! I hadn’t felt this sad since her first day of preschool two years prior. Will she be safe? Does she know how to stick up for herself? Will she feel happy and secure? Will she even miss me?
I went home and did something I rarely have time to do…work out and play with our two year old. Just me and her. Then I cleaned up and made Lila’s bed. And cried some more looking at the empty room.
I created little errands for us to run. Fresh Market, coffee at Starbucks (thanks to Bobbi!), pick up school shoes, all while checking my watch and phone for the time every three minutes. I arrived at the car line 15 minutes early. I didn’t care…I wanted to see my baby! Finally after what seemed like an eternity she came out, and I saw her smile. And I cried again. She was ok. She was happy. I was happy.
I know each year will get easier, and each milestone will come faster. But I wasn’t fully prepared for summer to end and real life to begin. I know it’s extremely childish and selfish, but I didn’t want to share this amazing little girl with anyone. But after seeing her smile, and hearing how much she loves school, I am excited for her future.
That’s what makes parenting so tough; caring for them, nurturing them, but then loving and trusting them enough to let them go and grow.
Good luck to all the parents who have children starting school. Pack some tissues, take lots of pictures, and chill the wine…especially if it’s your first time like us! Cheers to Kindergarten!
Sniff sniff sniff, ugh, I hate the start of school. You got through the hardest part though!
Thanks Lauren…imagine all of yours in school?
Awww!! 🙁 I have one more week until I experience this, too. I’ll let you know how it goes!
You’ll do great…just lots of coffee and exercise to get rid of the nerves!
It gets easier! You’ll end up having a plan for you and Emy. Then those hours will just fly by!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
Awww, big hugs to you my friend. These transitions and milestones are so hard. My heart just went to my stomach and back when you said… “I didn’t want to share this amazing little girl with anyone.” Oh I’ve had that feeling too.
Wishing you peace and comfort. I’m certain as time goes on this will get easier, but in the meantime… we’re here for you.
Yes Jennifer – And part of the reason I seriously considered home school. I envy you!
I’m crying reading this! Ours is in three weeks. (late school start in New England, I guess)
I don’t.. even know. Really. I’ve been struggling with it all summer. I’m done struggling. She will be fine. I will be too, eventually.
I’m sorry I made you cry! If it’s any consolation, it was only one day of tears, and just watery eyes this morning. She will LOVE it…I promise!
Ugh, we start on the 25th. Our school is a 4 minute drive from the house, but that’s still too far. And having him gone allll day? I just can’t. Good grief, I’m getting teary just typing this! Do we HAVE to do kindergarten??
I know Jessica….its so hard to let go. But I promise…you’ll survive!
Oh friend. This made me cry. I didn’t cry dropping off my son in Kindergarten, it hit me when I dropped him off last year in first grade. He was so big and independent all of a sudden. But this is good, this time apart from each other really does make you so much stronger. Here’s to new beginnings and Lila rocking Kindergarten!!!
Susen @ Dabbling Momma says
I think you hit home for many Mom’s with this post! My son is now in 3rd grade but next year my daughter will be going to kindergarten and I know that it will hit me all over again as it did when my son had his first day! Nice to know we are not alone…
So sorry, it is hard! I have cried 3 times now as I dropped off children for their first day of kindergarten and every year after that I still feel my stomach sink as they walk away from me on their other first days.
Oh no! Please tell me it gets easier!
awww… I was good this year, but last year was a very different story. It is so sad watching our babies grow up!!
It is isn’t it? Hope the 2nd one is easier!
Transitions to new stages are hard. We don’t know how it will turn out and it’s scary. I’m glad your little girl had a great day! #saturdaysharefest
Yes they are – but it went well!
Ok this brought a tear to my eye! What a heartfelt post. I can feel your pain momma! I was there once but now my kindergardener is now a 9th grader. She is now homeschooled. They do grow up so fast. Cherish these days and the time alone with your youngest too! Here is a mommy hug for you! ooo I am so glad I found you vist #SItsblogging today
Thank you Susie, it was a tough week and I am definitely savoring the moments with my girls.
I was choked up when the kids started kindergarten, but then I sort of did a happy dance. It does make me sad to know they are growing up though 🙁
Oh boy, it’s not easy, is it? I was a kindergarten teacher before I had kids so I thought for sure that I was going to be great on that first day. I knew how fabulously well taken care of my babies would be, how much fun they would have, but when it came time to put them on the bus and let go, I was a mess! I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but I am getting ready to put my youngest on the bus to high school this year and I find myself worrying about all the things you mentioned with regard to your kindergartener…will they be safe, will they stick up for themselves, will they feel secure and happy, will they miss me (as much as I completely miss them)? I guess age doesn’t matter, letting go is always tough!
Letting go is tough – but necessary. I miss her but she is happy, and that’s all that matters!
Jenny - Unremarkable Files says
It certainly does make it easier when they absolutely love it! (Al;though a little “I missed you, Mommy!” would be nice, too.)