It’s here. While most people rejoice that it’s dance recital weekend, I’m over here sucking my thumb while rocking in a corner. Because that’s what being a dance mom is to me, hell on Earth. Especially when it’s time for dress rehearsals and dance recitals.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching our girls perform, and seeing them shine on stage. But there’s just so much involved in actually getting them ready to perform. The lessons and tights, tutus and shoes. Then they grow and need bigger shoes, and rip their tights so we have to pick up more of those. And don’t get me started on the bun donuts and hair pins they lose every week.
Keeping two girls in dance is causing us to go hashtag broke, and that’s before the bills for costumes and recital tickets roll in. And as I was doing makeup this morning for tiny dancer number two, I thought, “How can the universe possibly send me a hormonal tween and ridiculously long makeup list in the same weekend?” I seriously suck at being a dance mom, here’s why.
7 Reasons I Suck at Being a Dance Mom
- I never know when anything is. And it’s not the dance studio’s fault, I take full responsibility. They send out email after email, and even send home papers that I always lose. Which leaves me scrambling yelling, “What? Your dress rehearsal is TONIGHT?!”
- I suck at doing buns. OMG why did God give me girls? I am the daughter of a hairdresser and I can’t for the life of me do a decent bun. No matter how many times I practice, I still can’t get it. I have the patience of a gnat and literally have to meditate before I attempt hair and makeup or I lose it. I mean I lose it anyways, but it helps a little.
- Makeup is my fatal flaw. Not on me of course, but on them. Especially when they never freaking stop moving! I promise I’m not going to poke your eye out, now let me do your eyeliner yo! Then there’s the dreaded red lipstick, my poor girls look like clowns half the time. Thank goodness for makeup remover.
- I’m never there to video the routine. They always let parents come in to video the routines for recitals and I’m never there. I’m sure they sent out an email telling me to be there, but I never read it.
- I never buy the pictures. Our girls get so mad at me that I never buy the class pictures, but I can take them on portrait mode on my phone! And I already bought your school pictures, yearbook, and spring pictures, what are we seriously going to do with a dance class picture?
- I loathe the actual recital. I mean I love watching our girls dance, and the itty bitty’s are sooooo cute. The company dancers are usually amazing to watch as well, but it’s such a long show. Like longer than Hamilton. How many times can you see a group hold hands and gallop in a circle?
- I’m always late. This one is weird because I am an early person. I try to be 10 minutes early to everything, but when it comes to dance I’m late. The tights are itchy! Where’s my bun donut! I can’t find my dance shoes. Oh the drama of tracking down all the things!
I realize that most of this is my fault, and if I was organized I’d be able to breeze through most of this but dance eludes me. It wasn’t my thing growing up and I really need an assistant to manage their dance stuff. Because I suck at this and practice is clearly not making perfect.
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