It had been an incredibly long day. Late to bed the night before due to work, and then the little one woke me at 2:00AM with an upset tummy. Two hours later I was back in bed and I knew I would just need to get through this day.
After school, hoping for an easy play afternoon, the girls were incredibly feisty. They were acting aggressive, fighting, tired, and not listening. I told them both if they used their hands on each other again, they would be in their rooms the rest of the night, including dinner. No television, and no bedtime books. This threat seemed to curb the biting and hitting until just before dinner, when our oldest hit and kicked her little sister over bubbles.
“Please go to your room,” I calmly told her. “You were asked not to use your hands, and you didn’t listen. I’ll bring you dinner there.”
“NO!”, she shouted. With a fractured hand and her Dad working out of town, I knew I couldn’t carry her back to her room, so I gambled. “If you don’t go to your room now, I will take out your dollhouse and all of your Barbie’s including your new Ever After High Dolls. Did you want to test me? 1……2….”
She ran back in tears, shouting at me all the way down the hall and then decided she wouldn’t go into her room after all. I followed her when she yelled again,
“Do you know what your compliment of the day is? You’re a TERRIBLE mother!”
She was referring to our New Year’s Resolution this year, we do a compliment circle each night at dinner, and apparently I wasn’t getting one this night. I glared at her and was seething inside. My hand and wrist ached, I was dead on my feet, and had little fight left in me. I wanted to scream back, “Why did you hit her? Why can’t you just let her use the damn bubbles? Is it really that hard to be nice?”
But then as I opened my mouth to yell back, a voice came to me and said:
“Teach with love. Be the person you want her to be.”
Maybe it was my inner voice, but in that moment I felt the presence of God. The light, the love, whatever you believe in, it was there, guiding me. So this terrible mother instead took that advice, relaxed and responded,
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but even when you’re mad at me, I’ll still love you. No matter what.”
Her stern face and furrowed brow dissolved and instantly the tears fell. She cried how sorry she was, ran and fell into my arms, needing reassurance that she was loved. I explained again why she needed some time to herself, and hoped that tomorrow when she wanted to hit her sister, she’d remember what it felt like to eat dinner alone. And reminded her how lucky she is to have a family to share meals with.
This parenting thing can be hard, we all have our not so perfect moments. The ones where we lash out, yell back, and roll our eyes out of frustration. But today I was reminded of what’s really important with our children. We are setting the example everyday, teaching them how to react, respect, and love one another. And like our little ones, we have choices.
We can choose to let the anger and resentment boil over, or we can choose to listen to our inner voice and guide and teach our kids with love. It takes great strength and is incredibly difficult to control our own tempers when the pressures of life overflow, but today I learned something pretty powerful. For the first time in seven years as a mother I was in the eye of the storm, and in that quiet and calm place with anger swirling all around me, finally I learned to just be.
I remained calm, confident, and filled my little one with love.
If you liked this post, please read “My Best Day as a Mom So Far”.
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Aw, we haver had these types of moments here, too and have tried my best to also parent with love even through it all. Thanks for the added reminder here today, too.
I always appreciate those moments when God, or my better self kicks in and I can see things in a more loving way. And it so changes the mood in my house. Thank you so much for the reminder!!! Great post!
Yep. Completely understand. Yesterday, one of my boys was pushing my buttons and throwing little jabs. It was hard not to react to that in a negative way.
My daughter flipped out on my son yesterday and was truly ugly to him. I decided it was the rain and DST. She was sent to her room too. In my experience girls are quick to pull out the “I hate you” and “you’re a terrible mother.”
Love this…I need my inner voice to be louder sometimes and it is about controlling our own tempers… Great insight!!!
Great reminder! I try to keep cool.. but sometimes when I lose my sh*t I always end up feeling worse later. 😉
I have been trying really hard to remember to set an example for my kids. Sometimes, it is more difficult than others and I lose it, but I always make sure that my kids know that they are loved. No matter what happens.
Beautiful! I really needed to read this today, as I had a rough morning with my two boys. Sometimes I have to force myself to step away and just ask myself, “What are you really yelling about? Is this what you want them to learn?”
Great post 🙂
This morning before I got out of bed I set my intention to be calm and confidant. Confidant for myself and calm for my children. It is not always easy to stop before reacting. I would like to be more teaching than scolding for sure. Beautiful message and reminder!
OH friend, how I love this. What an incredible moment for you! That is just so powerful to read and you have inspired me to breathe in that patience and pour that love instead of anger, when I am at my WITS END.
I think God has a way of grabbing our attention at some of our most significant times, where He knows He is needed and shows up. When I have had those moments, they have transformed me from the inside out. <3
I needed this right now. It seems like the time change got the better of everyone (except the baby) over here, and it’s been a house full of grumps since yesterday. Definitely going to keep this quote in mind more often. Who knows, maybe I’ll even make it into wall art. We could always use another reminder.
I’m blaming it on daylight savings time because we had a similar moment today too. My toddler has really been testing my patience lately. It has been more difficult because I’m still being woken up by the baby. This was a good reminder to always try my best to teach with love.
I’m so glad that worked! Scarlet has never said anything really hurtful but she has definitely made me beyond angry with actions, or not listening. And the bickering with Des! I know hurtful words will be thrown at me one day, and I hope I can handle it with the grace you did.
Such a good reminder! It’s so hard in those moments to stay calm, but it’s so important! How will our kids learn to control their tempers if we don’t? Good job, mama!
I share the same sentiments as you. I get tired and grouchy and lose my patience really really easily. I need to reframe my thoughts to focus on love because the outcome will be so much more powerful.
Kids are so very good at testing us. Very smart to return that testing with love, it is powerful.
Oh yes you are not alone in moments like this my friend! You are wise though and a good mom. Hugs!
OH my goodness, YES! This is what I have been working on.
For a long time I have felt convicted (there really is no other word for it) by the fact that I teach my children about Christ’s love but I don’t show it nearly as much as I should. Even today I had a moment when I yelled at my girls and I just died a little inside. The thing is, I will ALWAYS feel terrible if I act out abruptly but I will NEVER regret acting out of love. Maybe that’s why it says in 1 Corinthians 13:8 “Love never fails,” because it never does. It always comes out ahead, on top, and victorious.
Your girls sound like mine… and I found your post so enlightening and inspiring. I’ve been working on this Kristen. I have a major parenting resolution this year and I feel an urgency to make serious changes. Thank you for sharing.
Wishing you a lovely evening.
xoxo