It’s funny, (not ha ha funny, more like ironic) that I’ve been asked for my advice a lot lately. I don’t view myself as a wealth of knowledge, except for my experience working in television and changing diapers. And I’m clearly in a place of change with my quest this year to be who I want to be, but there’s always someone every time I work or attend an event, that has a question for me.
The next wave of sports reporters who want to get some free on camera time. Or bloggers asking how I secure sponsorships or other video tricks of the trade. And usually my answer is to ask questions.
my advice on how to get what you really want
“You’ll never get what you don’t ask for,” is what I’ve said more than a few times this past month. It doesn’t matter what you may be seeking in life, more than likely if you’re not asking, you’re not receiving.
Need some extra attention from your spouse? How about a raise at work? Want your kids to start doing chores? Want to partner with your favorite brands that you use every day? The answer is easy, ask them! As confidently as possible.
I unknowingly have lived by this quote for a long time, and I first uttered it to the head of PR for the Miami HEAT years ago, and then he promptly laughed at me. I was requesting Dwyane Wade for yet another Inside the HEAT show, so I asked of course for an hour at his home with his kids.
“Do you really need him for that long? Can you find another way?”, he would ask, doing his best to balance the enormous amounts of interview requests. I mean, we annoy players all the time with media requests, but we still have a job to do.
“Sure we can figure something out,” I said, “but if I don’t shoot for the moon then I can’t land among the stars!” He laughed and asked what the hell that meant. But you know what? We always got the home interview with Shaq, Dwyane, whoever we requested…that one on one time we needed to make the shows amazing. And honestly it was because I was brazen enough to ask.
Because you’ll never get what you don’t ask for.
So fast forward to the next phase of my career, and I’m still asking. When PR people want me to feature a celebrity on my blog, I’ll always ask for that exclusive. Or when I make my favorite fudge frosting, I call the maker of the fudge ahead of time to see if they want to partner. Or when I visit my favorite businesses, I always ask if they need help with their social media or starting a You Tube channel. It just comes naturally to me I guess, working in the media and learning what to say over the years. But the thing is, it can come naturally to you as well…if you just try.
Have you wanted to send an email to a company for a while and been afraid? Or how about asking for that raise? The thing is, most times doubt will kill most dreams more than failure ever will. I mean what’s the worst that can happen? They say no?
But what if they said yes?
So the next time you are contemplating a job change, or need a favor, or whatever it is you seek… just remember to to take my advice. You might be fearful or even feel nauseous as you hit the send button, but guess what?
What perfect advice and you are right, if you don’t speak up for yourself and ask when you want something, you may never actually get the chance to get it. Thanks for the reminder here today!!
“You’ll never get what you don’t ask for.” I love that. I need to put myself out there more, but I just don’t ask questions like I should. I will be taking this advice. Thank you.
I challenge you today, to ask for one thing you want! A brand email, ask a friend for a favor, your husband to take the kids for an hour. Whatever it is…just do it! You will feel great!
OMG this is the best advice ever.. I always tell people you wont know if you dont ask!
me too! I must have uttered it 10 times last month, and literally this post was an email to a friend. Last night it hit me as I was about to go to bed, “that’s a post!” I couldn’t NOT share it because I realized that it’s driven me my whole life. I guess that’s why I’m in sports, I don’t get intimidated by a mostly male work environment! Or maybe that’s what’s made me confident? Not sure but glad it’s helping people! Thanks for reading, sincerely! I want to go to a Pure Barre class with you!
Really great advice. I approach an author last week for an ARC of a hugely anticipated book and asked for her to participate in the Books of My Life Series. I knew it was a long shot, but deiced to go for it – and got a yes to both requests:)!
This is such great advice and something I often struggle with. I’m trying harder to just ask for what I want. You are so right. You never know if you don’t ask for it! Pinning.
Heck YES! So many times, I hear people complaining about what they can’t get/don’t have but they don’t ask! People can’t read minds and you can’t control people – so ask for what you need and guaranteed you’ll see something happen. Even if it’s not what you envision… it’s better than nothing.
Loved this Kristen! Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
You’re absolutely right – you’ll never know unless you ask!
Best advice ever. Glad you took a break from your break to share this. Thanks!!!
Spot on. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. P.S. Glad you posted. I was missing you 🙂
Awesome words Kristen. It is so true, if we don’t ask how will we ever know what the answer will truly be. It can be life changing. Hope you get all you ask for this year!
This is awesome. I KNOW this but I haven’t seen it all laid out like this. One of my favorite things you’ve written…and there’s a lot of good stuff to choose from!
Thank you Jill, that means ALOT coming from you!
Best advice ever! Success is never gained when held back by fear of failure. Thanks for the fantastic reminder.
you’re welcome, so glad it helped!
So good. So true. I’m the same way and always tell myself and people the same thing, “Why not just ask?”
Yes! Yes! Yes! I say this with enthusiasm… Yet I am terrible at actually executing this plan. I’d say it’s because I was not born a salesperson. I’d also say it’s just not in my nature to ask for things. I’d say a lot of things (read: excuses) but the simple truth is that fear and discomfort often override my desire for something. Even writing it down I realize how silly it is. Luckily I don’t see myself as a victim when I don’t get the things I want. I’m honest enough to admit it was my own lack of request. But I’m getting better at it. At 41 I am getting more of a voice. Especially in my marriage. It’s funny… The build up. The fear of asking. The fear of the response. Questioning whether or not my request is reasonable or if I’m “just being needy.” All this build up and then I ask. And he says, “of course.” And it’s over. A silly little pattern that needs to be broken, I think. Not just in my personal life.
Such a great article!! (As usual)
Vicky
It’s like you’re in my head! I sometimes have a hard time asking. It’s hard to put yourself out there, but practice makes perfect!
So so true. Definitely scary to do, but you are right. You could look back on your life and wonder what you could have done if you’d had the courage to ask. I recently asked a famous writer who lives near me to meet up for a drink, and I was so nervous to ask — little me, with my tiny following. My husband said, what’s the worst that could happen? She says no and you continue on with your life. He was right. And she said yes!
I NEEDED to read this today. This is 100% awesome!
I’m so glad! So nice to meet you!
My husband is always saying that, and it’s true. I need to live more by this. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I mean, really, the worst that can happen is someone will say no, and I won’t know if they might say yes unless I ask!
I imagine that someday, or even sooner, someone would say yes. I’d really have to try.
Very inspiring!
This is SO true! The worst they can do is say no right? Great post!
It’s true my lovely friend……and a quick suggestion for maybe a spin-off post (and if you do nothing with it that is completely fine and I will still love you and come see you and comment and tweet and follow)…. How to deal with getting told NO! When you ask for things in your marriage and they are not given. When your boss tells you it ain’t happenin. When life, in general, says no.
I haven’t “come out” with this on my blog yet, but my husband and I are divorcing 🙁 It’s one of those things where I was brave enough to ask for what I wanted (faithfulness) but was told no (affair #3). You gotta realign what it is you want, I think, when what you want is no longer an option.
I love your posts and your insight, girlfriend. No wonder people are always asking you for advice! 🙂
Oh girl, I’m so sorry. But after following you for so long I figured the writing was on the wall for your marriage. First, big virtual hug. You and your family will get through this.
As for being told no, well that’s a tough one. I guess my advice would be 1) how did you ask? Was it in a grateful, loving, confident place? And if the answer to that is yes, then you already know what to do….move on. You wont always get what you want, but you can sure as hell try. And if someone won’t give you what you are seeking, you will find it elsewhere. As in your husband, it’s not you, it’s him. He isn’t capable of being faithful right now, he himself is seeking attention and affection because he doesn’t possess that self love….yet. Someday he will, and will be sorry he hurt you and your family.
As for what you are seeking, it starts from within doesn’t it? The light, the love, God, whatever you believe in, it’s inside us. We just have to allow ourselves to own it and feel it. Once we accept where we are, then and only then can we find our next place in this world. It’s funny how the older we get, the more we learn the importance of stillness and listening to our own inner voice.
I actually was going to write a follow up, more of a script HOW to ask. The intro, the confident way to end an email or call. Never thought of a rejection piece. It stings, and makes you feel deflated, defeated and depressed. But how we react to those rejections determines our own fate. Hang in there, and thanks for giving me the chance to reflect on this!
This is really good advice! I am always afraid to do these things but, as you mentioned, this is only holding me back. I need to focus on the possibility that it could happen and just go for it!
I needed to hear this one! Thank you!
Love the advice!! It’s so true.
such a great piece – simple, and yet, …..!! 🙂 IN 2018, Im going to try really hard to officially start asking for what I want even when it’s super hard!!!!! I’ve come a long way in my blogging/writing career since I began, and try to give myself a little credit but I feel like I COULD be soo much further now, as I should be, if it wasn’t for extreme lack of confidence in truly pitching when it comes down to going after things, as opposed to being subconsciously scared and just letting the few opportunities that come my way come to me naturally – in the words of you ,and Working Girl ,which I just watched for the billionth time again last night, you don’t get anywhere in this world by waiting for what you want to come to you you have to make it happen!!! Heres’ to making it happen in 2018.. 🙂 Thanks Kristen! 🙂
Oh I wish we could chat. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. And don’t SHOULD on yourself, you could have done other things, but maybe you weren’t meant to yet?
Nice post! thanks for sharing!