Today was one of those days for the books. The days you know you’ll always remember but can’t wait for them to end. Have you ever read that post Today Mommy is an Asshole? It inspired me because today mommy was a freaking saint, it was the kids that were total assholes.
It all started at 5:30 am, when the threenager woke up too early. She has been ill and wanted to color. And that’s when the first battle began…before the sun was up and before I’d had coffee. Over crayons?
“They’re right in front of you on the table honey!” She replied, with that whiny tone that makes you cringe and want to stick a fork in your eye, “But my legs are sooooo tired. Bring them to me!” Yeah….no.
How about reaching across the table?
Twenty minutes later the tantrum ended, and I ignored every single second of it. It really is freeing to not respond when they’re pulling on you. Ironic that she could get up to yell and pull my shirt, but those little legs didn’t have the energy to propel her towards the crayons.
Next up was our 6 year old who was a little crabby as well. She was nervous that I might be leaving town to go on vacation. My mom who normally watches the girls had a bout with pneumonia, and was just released from the hospital. So things are uncertain and that was upsetting to our sensory girl. “I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to go to art camp, I just want to be with you all day! Baa waaa waaaa AAAAHHH!”
After breakfast I could see another meltdown brewing. It happened when the outfit I chose was awful. And then when the braids I wove weren’t tight enough. And finally when the poop wouldn’t come out. “Why aren’t you encouraging me to get it out???!!!”, she screamed at me. Everything is mom’s fault if you didn’t know.
Evidence that the braids indeed were tight enough…and beautiful.
In the sweetest and sappiest voice I could muster I said, “Oh, sorry honey! Push the poop out, push – push – the poop out! Did that help?”
“No I’m not going to camp!”
I calmly talked to her about positive self-talk, and how she would feel better soon. I knew she was feeling anxious, and needed a bit of reassurance and attention. But after a few minutes I needed a time out, so I said a prayer. “Please God give me the strength to stay calm and not react today.”
That’s when it happened.
I brought her some apple juice with probiotics to help her tummy, and when I handed it to her she knocked it out of my hands. I was shaking with anger and beyond frustrated with how horrible the morning was going. I felt my mouth open and was about to yell “NOOOOOO!!!” But instead, through clenched teeth I made another vow to myself not to react.
“I understand you’re sad, frustrated, angry and tired, and it’s OK to have these big feelings. It’s even better to cry and get it out. But it’s never OK to use your hands and act this way. Please clean it up and get dressed…NOW.”
To think just ten hours prior I called my husband to cancel the trip. His birthday trip, and our first time alone together in almost two years. I felt guilty, and sad, and scared the kids would be miserable, especially without my mom manning down the fort. I was once again putting their needs before my own. But what the little buggers didn’t understand was their behavior gave me strength. It reminded me how much we desperately need a break, and motivated me to try to make this trip happen…no matter what.
She ended up going to art camp, unhappily, but had a fun day. And I learned some valuable lessons from our little assholes this morning.
It doesn’t matter how cranky you are, you can’t ruin my day unless I let you. Change might be hard but you’ll get through it. Because while routine and consistency might be great most of the time, sometimes you just need to try something new. And mommy and daddy can’t be there every second of every day, and that’s totally OK.
Unfortunately our trip had to be postponed, and my dreams of Sin City, fancy restaurants, and sleeping in will have to wait. But at least now I have a renewed energy and strategy for coping with their outbursts.
Let’s hope I can remember this the next time they act like assholes. Which will probably be tomorrow when I make pancakes instead of waffles for breakfast.
Anyone want to babysit?
I’m not the only one that feels this way, read more here from the Mad Mommy! And please follow along on Facebook for more parenting stories!
I’m so sorry you had to cancel your trip! On days like that, getting away is such a gift! If I were closer, I’d totally babysit!
It’s ok, things happen! We’ll get away again soon!
OMG you are my hero! What a day… What a day! Hugs and wine – that’s all I have to offer! I hope your mom feel better soon! I hope your crayons learn how to walk to the threenager and that the big one poops! (Put THAT in a hallmark card!)
Been there, done that and you aren’t alone one bit!! Seriously though, I am sorry and hope you get your trip in again soon. Hugs 😉
I’m so sorry you had to cancel your trip. Sometimes our kids really are just assholes. When my kids have melt downs for ridiculous reasons my husband laughs maniacally and says (in super villain voice of course), “Your tears give me power muahahaha.” Then he sends the kid, normally the daughter, to the room and goes on like nothing happened. I tend to see red during the meltdowns because they are NOT three anymore! I wish I could handle asshole days with as much aplomb as you!
Oh man, those days. My boys are a bit older, but it still happens. Kudos to you for owning it and taking charge of your day’s destiny. It’s the truly hard bits that teach us the most. Here’s hoping for a rescheduled getaway very very VERY soon!
Thank you – it wasn’t easy!
I am coming out of my summer reprieve to respond to this….
BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Firstly for calling them what they are ASSHOLES!!!!! I PUFFY HEART YOU!!!!!!
Secondly for being the most incredible woman that I am only just now in the last couple of years able to do, which is not BLOW UP!!! AGAIN BRAVO!!!!!!
Thirdly, your time will come, to take that break…. Don’t put it off to late though. Even if it is for a day and a night or a few hours, take the time with the hubs, so that you CAN BE THE INCREDIBLE WOMAN!!!!
At the end of the day, I feel you…. There are many of us out there and you are not by any means alone.
xoxoxoxoxo
Thank you for reading! Now get back to vacation! Hope you are having fun and staying cool….
Yes, our kids are indeed assholes and we could love them anymore if we tried! I am amazed that you held your composure! I don’t think I could have!
Sorry about your trip, You’ll get one someday!
Oh well my kids never at like that! Hah, got ya! It’s a miracle that I have managed to keep all 4 of them alive. Pats on the back and congratulations are welcome and encouraged….
Bummer about your trip!
And yes, I have a couple of little assholes. Particularly the four year old who sometimes acts like he is 14 with the talking back and bullshit! Ages and stages, there will always be ups and downs. Yet we all know how awesome this ride is!
Hope you get to do your trip soon!
Oh do I GET THIS!! You handled it like a ROCK STAR!!! So sorry your trip was cancelled!
I didn’t really think I could like you anymore but damn if this post just took it to a whole new level! My favorite part? “Push the poop out … push,push….” Dying over here! Huge bummer about having to cancel your trip but there’s definitely a bright side. You got to call your kids assholes:)
LOL! And to think I almost didn’t publish this because I thought I was the asshole for calling them little assholes!
sucks about your trip but great perpsective!
I could have written this piece myself this week! My mom is recovering from pneumonia, as well! 🙁 You deserve a martini for staying composed. It is not easy when they test our patience so many times in a row! BTW, I love the poop scene. Classic.
LOL! Come have a martini with me! And what is it with pneumonia this summer? Hope your mom is ok!
I really do try not to allow their behavior to ruin my mood, but some days it is sooo HARD! I give you so much credit for not reacting with the cup being knocked out of your hands. Kudo’s to you mama!!
I loved this! I’ve been battling a two year old for months (without success) about not using our hands in this manner. I loved your response & the way you handled the situation. I’m gonna steal those words for sure! Also I’m a firm believer in the power of probiotics, but haven’t heard of poop encouragement 🙂 loved this from beginning to end. So sorry you had a rough day but thank you for sharing. Great lessons here!
I have been there. But, I think having time away is so important. I didn’t feel this way until recently when I realized my marriage is important and needs time and care just like my kids.
I’d babysit if I could!
My three and six-year-olds were assholes today. It was a rough morning. Des just gets screamier every day. If he’s mildly inconvenienced, he lets out a blood-curdling scream!
Those mornings are the WORST! So glad they found a way to enjoy the rest of the day, but so sorry for you that you had to go through that with everything else going on. I hope your mom’s doing better, and that you are able to go on your trip soon! AND…good for you for keeping yourself calm through it all. That’s a special superpower that the Husband and I don’t always have…
That is such a bummer about your trip, I’m sorry. But thank you for the laugh! This was hilarious.