Photo Courtesy Priceless Photos by Melissa
I never want this feeling to end, being needed by my baby. The smell of her freshly washed hair, her baby soft skin cuddled next to me, and the sound of her whispering, “lay down with me” at bedtime. But time is moving at warp speed, and in another month she will turn three. No longer a baby, but a little girl.
It hit me hard in a massive way today, that mom guilt that never disappears fully. It felt like it was suffocating my heart as I realized that I haven’t spent enough time with our second daughter. That happens to most parents I suppose, double the responsibilities equals half of the attention. But for some reason today it became clear that in nearly three full years, I haven’t been fully present with Emylia. At least not as much as I was with our first child.
Am I working more? Maybe. Do I have more housework? Sure. Am I feeling well? Not really. Am I doing the best I can to keep us all fed, healthy, happy and alive? Absolutely! But these are really just excuses…
We decided to go for a nature walk this afternoon and saw all sorts of beauty and oddities; a mother duck and her ducklings, beautiful yellow butterflies, and a crotchety old man shooting at iguanas with his air rifle. (Don’t ask.) As we came to a tree she asked me “why does the tree have arms?” I told her those were called branches. And then I taught her about the trunk, leaves, and the trees roots…and I showed her that you can climb it. I couldn’t believe that I’d never talked to her about trees before! She was full of joy as she tried to climb as well.
We then went into the backyard and my mind started to wander. I had emails to respond to, dinner to prep, and an article due….but then Emy said, “listen to the birdie mama, isn’t it pretty?” I never even heard it until she brought me back to the present.
“It sure is – what do you think she’s saying”
Emy said, “It’s a baby birdie and she’s a little hungry.” We then went on to imagine all the things the bird did that day. We observed woodpeckers and blue jays, found caterpillars, and felt the wind blow in our hair. This is what all children need, time. Time to play and absorb the world around them, and time and attention from their parents. I just wish I’d given her more these past years…
With our first daughter I didn’t work as much, I used a play-based home school preschool curriculum, and we had planned activities most days. With baby number two…it’s been parenting by the seat of our pants. She didn’t respond well to the curriculum and I fear I haven’t taught her enough, or played with her enough, and the guilt just plain sucks.
As we ponder if she’s ready for preschool, or if I should start that next work project, I really am owning this and trying to prioritize what’s important for our family. I’ve always believed that you should
And for me that’s our kids.
I most likely will continue to indulge her at bedtime, and savor those late night cuddles…because in just a few short years she won’t need her mommy. Maybe I need her more than she needs me…
A beautiful and familiar ache that I think a lot of us moms share. I stay at home with my kids and I still feel like I never struck a balance between how I spend my time with my oldest in comparison to my youngest.
When she turned three, it hit me really hard. In part because I also knew she’s my last baby. There will be no more after her… three seemed so officially far from babyhood. It was rough.
Big hugs mama. Enjoy those moments with your darling girl.
xoxo
This is so beautiful and I totally feel it. My “baby” turned 3 in July and yes, I cherish the few baby moments that she still has, but she is definitely more of a little girl now.
when i had kids, i felt like i had 5. wait, i feel a new post forming!
She’ll always need you, Kristen. Marlee is 15 and we still cuddle on the bed and talk, spend time in nature and enjoy each other’s company. I learned a long time ago to let the house go (dog hair everywhere), answer business emails and phone calls the next day and treasure every moment with my daughter. It’s true what everyone says, you blink and they are grown up. Times like you described in your post make the sleepless nights, sick days, etc. worth it. Enjoy! Hope to see you all soon!
I know Jean, but sometimes I forget they are the most important thing. Thanks for the reminder!
Kristen this is so beautiful! I love your click to tweet as well, amen to that!
My oldest daughter just turned 13 and the other night I had the realization that within 5 years she can be off on her own and at school. I started panicking! Have I done enough, am I doing enough? Does she know how much I love her?
My husband told me to calm down and very wisely reminded me that I had chosen and formed my life around being a mother. It doesn’t mean there are not other things I am doing, but that has always been my main goal. Thank heavens he reminded me!
A favorite quote is “Flowers look up to the sun like children look up to their mothers.”
That’s a great quote Jen, sounds like a need to talk to your hubby!
What a sweet post. And I get it. My baby is 7. I relish in the fact that she still wants me around. I know that might not be the case in a few years.
Des is two and newly in daycare. I cherish so, so much the time we do have together. Just the two of us. And for three more years until the “K” word rears its head again! I’m barely through Scarlet starting it!
I will say that with Des, I’ve been the opposite. More aware, more present, more enjoying. I think it’s because I am pretty sure he’s my last, so I’m drinking it up.
Lucky you Tamara! We are in the same boat, 3 years until Kindergarten.
This was so sweet. I guess the mommy guilt never goes away, does it? My son is 15 months and I just can’t believe how fast time is flying by.
No it doesn’t!
My daughter is almost two. She is my only one (and the only one I will have!) and last night I was thinking about how tiny she is now, and how she isn’t always going to be so tiny. I took the week off of school and work to be with her because with working and going to school, I just have not had the time to spend any real time with her. She MAY get into a daycare program next week (I hope she gets in!) and if she does, I think it will be good for her. She will be on a consistent schedule instead of being taken to the babysitters at a different time everyday. Maybe I will feel less guilty? She has been so clingy because of how busy I have been, so maybe this week alone with her will be good for her, and then next week she can get on a schedule and thrive.
I think it’s wonderful that you can spend a week with her. It’s a tough age and stage for sure!
Oh my gosh! I feel like this all the time, esp lately! I just feel like I handled working and having one child so much better than I am handling it with two. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I am looking for the same reassurance! ha! Mommy guilt sucks.
It does indeed! At least we know we are doing the best we can!
So sweet. I am enjoying the late night cuddles too, even when I “should” be doing something else. It’s amazing how fast they grow up.
I know – all this work is killing me! I just want to stop time…
I can relate to this and go through bouts of guilt on a regular basis! 🙂 I think we all feel guilty about time spent with kids other than our first. With the first one, every moment is new and more things stick out in our minds. With subsequent children, you don’t remember things as clearly so you wonder if you were really there. 🙂 You were though and you cared for them just as well even if you didn’t do it in exactly the same way. At least that’s what I tell myself! #saturdaysharefest
This is true, I don’t even think I did a baby book for number 2. Sigh!
I feel like this a lot. Three kids all in different stages who need me all of the time, but for different reasons, can leave me feeling like I’m pulled in three different directions. I can’t be three places at once, and I shouldn’t feel guilty, yet I still do. Sigh.
We all do Lisa…mothers are the hardest on themselves I suppose.
Such a familiar sentiment. I’ve found myself feeling like I never wanted that moment to end, and getting sad because I knew it would. But that was me looking ahead which in many ways took away from being in the present. Lately I’ve been telling myself that all I can do is be in the moment NOW and feel the emotions as deeply as possible … because really now is all there is. So I’m not putting that pressure on myself anymore and it’s been rather freeing!
I’m almost there Jill…just trying to figure out the elusive balance.